After self-love, true love comes next

 Last week,  I shared a guest post from psychotherapist and transformation coach Terri Cole on “self-love.” If you missed it, please have a look at it now.

There’s more to say on the subject. Your level of self-love directly affects your ability to attract and nurture “true love.”

When Terri refers to true love, she  means healthy love.

So, let’s start with what true love is not.

Watch the video below and please let me know what you think about it!

True love is not:

— jealousy

— being afraid of what the person you’re with is going to say or do

— being afraid of how the person you’re with is going to judge you

— being someone’s possession

— walking on eggshells

— deeply believing that someone else ‘completes’ you (trust me: that’s not possible!)

So what does true love look like?

Respect

True love respects each person’s differences.

Acceptance

Having hardcore expectations of what true love is, or how a partner should behave, is the opposite of acceptance.

Trust

Jealousy and possessiveness are often glamourized in movies and even in some cultures, but the truth is that chronic or extreme jealousy is toxic, stifles love and indicates insecurity.

Remorse

It’s critical to have the flexibility within a relationship to be sorry – to be able to apologize and have your partner  accept that and not endlessly punish you or throw your mistakes back in your face.

Equity

There has to be equity of power for a sustainable healthy relationship. One person dominating the entire relationship is unhealthy.

Choice

Real love looks like choice. Choosing to be in the relationship because you want to be with that person, not necessarily because you need that person.

Effort and intention

Love isn’t just having a ‘feeling’ about someone, it’s about how you behave. True love is indicated by your actions.

Unity

There has to be a sense of ‘us.’ When you are in a long-term relationship and it’s true love, the focus shifts from ‘me’ to ‘us,’ which is not to say lose yourself completely.

Communication

It is so important to talk about what you want in a relationship. It’s not about asking for or giving permission, it’s about being partners.

Feeling good

True love feels good. Not in the unicorns and roses everyday way, of course. But, generally speaking, true love is  when you are with your partner, you feel good about yourself and that person.

Empathy

There Is empathy in true love. You feel for where your partner is at. It doesn’t mean that you must completely understand exactly what your partner is going through, but you can always care about how they feel.

True love and self-love require time, attention and your intention. Anything of value is worth your energy and effort because you deserve true love.

I hope that last week’s and this week’s videos inspired you to think about your relationship to yourself and see the connection to your romantic and other relationships.

Thank you for reading, watching and sharing!

Psychotherapist and transformation coach Terri Cole’s website can be found here.

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